Our definition of humility is: "a right understanding of our relationship with our Higher Power." As it is used in recovery, this is all the word means. True humility has nothing whatever to do with its cognate word, "humiliation." Shame or embarrassment is not implied by humility. Humility wears a cloak of dignity, not shame and is to humiliation as grandness is to grandiosity. When we fail to know this truth and believe we are unworthy, we try to hide our low self esteem by projecting a false grandiosity. This grandiose behavior is based in our own illusion of guilt and shame. Just as grandness and grandiosity are opposites and are mutually exclusive, so are humility and humiliation. Thomas Merton, in addressing monks in his monastic community, wrote these words concerning humility in his book The Silent Life, page 19:

Humility detaches the monk first of all from that absorption in himself which makes him forget the reality of God. It detaches him from the fixation upon his own will which makes him ignore and disobey the eternal Will in which alone reality is to be found. It gradually pulls down the edifice of illusory projects which he has erected between himself and reality. It strips him of the garment of spurious ideals which he has woven to disguise and beautify his own imaginary self. It finds and saves him in the midst of a hopeless conflict against the rest of the universe -- saves him in this conflict by a salutary "despair" in which he renounces at least his futile struggle to make himself into a "god." When he achieves this final renunciation he plunges through the center of his humility to find himself at last in the Living God.

So it is for us in the 12 Step tradition. Humility is not degradation, but ultimate glorification; not servitude, but freedom; not victim-hood, but invulnerability. Humility includes our firm belief:

• that we are a creation of a Higher Power, created of the Power’s own

essence, and

• that we are therefore invulnerable, and,

• that our Higher Power can and will either remove our defects or

transform them into something positive and useful if we but humbly

ask and are willing to allow that Power to do this.

These presuppositions are similar to and are derived from those underlying the first three Steps. There is essentially no new material here, only a focusing of these same ideas on each of our character defects in turn. It should also be clear at this point that the change in perception of our relationship (accomplished by the first three Steps) to our Higher Power is the meaning of humility and is fundamental to the whole process described by all of the 12 Steps.

Steps 6 and 7 should be used together on each defect. For example, let us hypothesize that violent jealousy is the issue under consideration. After having done our 4th Step inventory it is clear that the jealous behavior is merely a symptom of underlying fear of loss and, ultimately, our own belief in our personal vulnerability and our own worthiness to be punished. It is important to remember that when we pray for release from a defect of character we not neglect to pray about the underlying feelings and beliefs as well as the physical behaviors. We first work Step 6 and then Step 7 on this one defect before going on to the next defect on the list. The following prayer may be used as a model for use with the 7th Step:

I humbly pray that You would heal me of my__________ . and my feelings of __________. Heal my spirit that I may know deep down inside that I am worthy and good because I was created that way, so that I may be at peace and more effectively do Your will, to serve You and others.

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